Haughty Blog Title

Matt Braunger: Ceci n'est pas une owl.

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:46:29 -0500

I have a shirt that says the above French statement with a picture of an owl on it. It’s the only owl-related thing I’ve ever bought for myself (besides tootsie pops as a child, of course). This is just because people have given me owl-related things throughout my comedy career, based on a bit I…

When I was in high school working diligently on the newspaper, yearbook, and lit mag (SHUTUP) (okay really, were you not expecting to find THAT out?), when we had space to fill due to an unsold/unpaid ad, it was usually filled with the phrase “This is not a Fugazi filler” - usually in English, occasionally in French, almost always followed by someone wearing this to class within the next week.

My abusive relationship with the men of DC

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 07:22:27 -0500

In a nutshell:

If you would act right, you wouldn’t make me look outside of the city for boyfriends!

whathappened: Handsome Men’s Club (via JimmyKimmelLive) I...

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 22:33:36 -0500

whathappened:

Handsome Men’s Club (via JimmyKimmelLive)

I demand to know who wrote this. I love it thiiiiiii…iiiiiiiis much.

Oh good lord, Rob Lowe.

I broke my favorite mug this morning

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 00:41:11 -0500

Dropped it handle-first into the sink, breaking off not only the handle but a good chunk of ceramic where the handle was attached, rendering it holey. I bought it in a tourist shop in Vegas. I might have to go back to get another one - my Fiestaware mugs are too small to hold the massive amount of coffee I seem to require in the mornings.

Yes, I recognize the irony

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 13:15:39 -0500

Thinking about driving to the Rockville Bed Bath and Beyond to buy a cart thing for carless grocery trips instead of taking the Metro to the Chinatown Bed Bath and Beyond, which is a shorter trip.

I’m feeling lazy, okay? And I need to buy a new coffee mug.

biorhythmist: hahaha good one! I’m going to list reasons...

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 07:09:29 -0500

biorhythmist:

hahaha good one!

I’m going to list reasons that I find this funny. Feel free to add your own!

It’s a “new batch”
It says “procedures”
It’s a fucking TUB OF COOKIE DOUGH. Not a tube or a pack of creepy “break and bake” squares, IT’S A TUB.

Feelin' a little crazy

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:40:00 -0500

Thinking about replacing half my sharp cheddar with truffle cheddar when I make macaroni and cheese this weekend.

What do you think, will it be mind blowing or a waste of truffle cheddar?

Edit: Sam, it gets bacon AND jalapeños. And panko.

Edit 2: Dave, that’s why I’m hesitant. And only planning on using half regular, half truffle.

Jeffrey and/or Jack Lewis must be the sweetest guy on earth.

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:03:00 -0500

Jeffrey and/or Jack Lewis must be the sweetest guy on earth.

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen right now.

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 21:38:19 -0500

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen right now.

Thunder and Grave Digger

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 22:47:23 -0500

Thunder and Grave Digger:

Craxworth posted a photo:

Thunder looks just like Pleepleus.

I am so excited to see this van get crushed!

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 22:47:23 -0500

I am so excited to see this van get crushed!:

Craxworth posted a photo:

Pretty well crushed

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 22:47:23 -0500

Pretty well crushed:

Craxworth posted a photo:

More conversation with Kitchen Lady

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 18:34:13 -0500

Hmm? Oh, thank you. Kenneth Cole. Goodness no, I got them at Filene’s Basement.
Oh it’s from Kohl’s. I saw it on a mannequin and loved it but couldn’t find it on the floor, so I took it off the mannequin and thankfully it fit.
Yeah, I’m not sure when we’re moving. I’d rather not move. I like this building a lot, it’s the nicest building I’ve ever worked in. Yes, I love being so close to the Metro. Also to Tiffany. And Jimmy Choo and Clyde’s.
Oh, well um, usually the Outer Banks. I’m super lucky, I have friends all over the place, so I usually go to where they are.
Oh. Well. Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Pittsburgh, New York, Edmonton, St. Croix, Cleveland, Montana, Detroit, Tampa, Seattle, Atlanta, Vancouver. You know, all over.
No, the US Virgin Islands. Not St. Croix, WI.

SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. I can’t not go in the kitchen, that’s where the coffee is. And there’s no way to see who’s in the kitchen without going in there.

How do I avoid these conversations (read: interviews)?

I miss my Sam bag. Not SPECIFICALLY because I miss my Sam...

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:54:40 -0500

I miss my Sam bag. Not SPECIFICALLY because I miss my Sam PERSON, but because sometimes a girl just needs a structured handbag in which she carries her important things.

Aaaaaaaanyway, Kate Spade needs to bring it back. Anniversary throwback edition or something. Or else start making the Charm City line in a color other than mauve (which they CLAIM is mauve but I maintain is, in fact, PURPLE). I do love that Maryanne, and I do love crazy leathers like ostrich, I just hate purple SO MUCH.

Jenny is

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 18:27:05 -0500

When Sam and Doug did this, their results were much more interesting -

jenny is having a baby
jenny is a very social woman
jenny is 30 year old
jenny is a
jenny is famous
jenny is paying for those credit card
jenny is paying for those credit card charges
jenny is stalked mercilessly
jenny is queen of earth
jenny is a bonehead
jenny is the best
jenny is a necro
jenny is letting me post
jenny is red hot
jenny is perplexed
jenny is 30 years old
jenny is a man
jenny is pierced and tattooed
jenny is paying for those credit
jenny is a real inspiration
jenny is sooooooo cute
jenny is hot
jenny is located within the depth contour marked on this map as “submerged volcano”
jenny is 3
jenny is a high school girl of 17
jenny is my younger sister and we both love to tell funny stories about us and the people we know
jenny is also a very active member of phi theta kappa
jenny is not liable for orders that are unfulfilled due to incomplete or inaccurate information being supplied by a business or individual at the
jenny is now in her 31st week
jenny is on tour with la trumpet player rob slowik and the big apple circus
jenny is a first
jenny is
jenny is too ethereal
jenny is located in the beautiful resort of vlycha
jenny is a pro and she never lets the jeering of her male competitors get her down
jenny is a mystery character
jenny is seven
jenny is in the background
jenny is the admissions secretary dealing with all matters relating to admissions in the school except those pertaining to museology
jenny is the daughter of an alcoholic; she has been surrounded by alcoholic adults all of her life
jenny is still 100% engrafted
jenny is neurologically ok
jenny is a grey tabby cat with stripes so modified that most of her coat looks brindled
jenny is as normal as any ordinary youth is
jenny is one of the most famous airplanes of the world war i and barnstorming eras
jenny is a stay
jenny is our foster child since december 2000
jenny is a lovely spot for a naturist holiday
jenny is an exceptional gymnast
jenny is from the st
jenny is co
jenny is a favorite of our visitors
jenny is currently studying towards a msc degree looking at reproductive success of african penguins
jenny is a strong girl
jenny is a fisher
jenny is painting a complete painting
jenny is looked after by an elderly neighbour
jenny is currently doing for you in parliament
jenny is poisoned by a poison cloud
jenny is one of the best bitches i own
jenny is awakened when her computer notes that it has lost the signal from the cicada
jenny is at the moment my favorite jenny
jenny is a prolific tune writer
jenny is a psychologist and morgan has asked her to go down to the black jaguar squadron near machu picchu
jenny is always ready with a word of encouragement for lenny
jenny is located
jenny is a chatterbox who never seems to run out of amusing things to say
jenny is a veteran stage performer
jenny is now trying to get away from that image i have taken them off
jenny is wearing a blue pokka dot dress
jenny is feeling bad ~ from the album this is egg speaking ~ bntn
jenny is a member of the computer society of the ieee
jenny is also actively involved in art librarianship as a member of arlis
jenny is a junior at umc
jenny is open to freelancing
jenny is a great friend of the family
jenny is going through her daily routine of yoga practice
jenny is an austin resident living in the travis country subdivision
jenny is in her 4 th year
jenny is a character who’ll speak her mind and can take control of a situation
jenny is a necro saturday night
jenny is a tall

I removed the blatantly pornographic ones, but I kept the one about Jenny being someone’s bitch.

I much prefer the results for Craxworth.

Mike: What's up?

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 22:50:45 -0500

Mike: What's up?
Me: me and my pal dave are talking about creating a program that will make pictures of peen show up on people's computers when someone yells PHOTO REPLY at the imaginary tumblr conference we made up.
Mike: haha
Mike: wow
Mike: you have been busy

Nora Charles Walks Into a Bar

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 18:56:29 -0500

Nora: How many drinks have you had?
Nick: This will make six martinis.
Nora: (to the waiter) All right. Will you bring me five more Martinis, Leo? Line them right up here.

The Next Morning

Nora: What hit me?
Nick: The last martini.

Good God, Duncan is awesome. I got an @ from him on Twitter one...

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 22:18:40 -0500

Good God, Duncan is awesome. I got an @ from him on Twitter one day while I was grocery shopping and my audible yelp of glee startled three policy wonk-looking dudes. I looked at them and said “You guys wouldn’t understand.” I don’t know why they were shopping together. In the feminine care aisle. Holding hands.

All three of them.

Maybe they would have understood.

Anyway, <3 you Duncan and Doug! Play nice and make something awesome!

doug:

Just saying it’s sort of awesome when comedian Duncan Trussell asks your advice on Facebook. Awesome things ahead? Always!

If interested: Dunan and Natasha’s podcast show: The Lavender Hour. It’s still very new, but Duncan is constantly going to blow your mind with his thoughts.

New Haircut, New Shoes

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 20:46:24 -0500

New Haircut, New Shoes:

Craxworth posted a photo:

I know, it’s not that different. ONLY IT IS.

Dinner

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 20:46:00 -0500

Dinner:

Craxworth posted a photo:

I tried to make my Saturday dinner as full of win as my Saturday afternoon was. In theory, biscuits for dinner is not that great. In practice, biscuits for dinner is GREAT. Especially when they’re homemade Cheddar Bay biscuits.